Cord, BOOOO to the guy who wrote you that email! I commend your honesty and openness and laud you for summoning the will to expose yourself in such a personal way to so many anonymous strangers. I guess some people love expounding upon their own ignorant philosophies so much they are willing to say hurtful, hateful things to someone they've never even met. Seriously who sits down and takes the time to write such a mean and crappy email to someone they don't know? Boo to you anonymous swiller of Haterade, BOOOOO!

WOW
I won't lie, I wondered why you don't date blk women also.

Do I hear a little one-drop rule being applied? There is no either/or in biracial.

And BOOOOOOO some more!

What is it with people trying to prescribe what your life SHOULD have been? When is it okay to ostracize somebody because YOU don't like THEIR choice in friends, mates, etc. How incredibly audacious to excuse OTHER PEOPLE'S ignorant ass behavior. How audacious to assume that you ever tried to pass for white, or to claim knowledge of what type of woman you prefer.

Cord, I, too, appreciate how you put yourself out there to shed some light on a different perspective. Thank you for sharing your story. I can't fully relate, but I'm sure my biracial babies will. Though honestly, I pray they never have to face that kind of foolishness.

i'm black and adopted. my mom is a white jew. my dad is black and catholic. i grew up in a bicultural environment.

i was not a member of the black student association in college or law school because i was offended and disgusted that both times, the organizations attempted to pigeonhole me as black, to the exclusion of my mother's white background.

i ended up starting a group with my college roommate (who is biracial) for bicultural/biracial students. the fools in the the black students' ass'n had the gall to demand that my roommate and i choose to be black or white. there was no in between. i refused and still refuse to be pigeonholed. growing up it was "hey oreo, hey coconut! why are you friends with all those white kids? why are you in all the smart people classes? why don't you act more black?" meanwhile my mother had to take time off from work to go my jr. high school administrator to tell them to put me in more advanced math classes which, unfortunately meant "with the white kids" because i could already do all the work in the classes i was in. they had taken one look at me and just assumed i couldn't cut it in the upper level classes.

so my question is this. if one grows up in a bicultural environment, why does one have to pick sides? and, why is one required to date within one's racial group? my last three boyfriends have been white. does that make me less black? i like listening to classical music. does that make me less black? i like listening to the doors? does that make me less black? my dad married a white jew. does that make him less black? does the fact that he's a professor and has spent his life writing and research about the perception of black people in the media, or environmental racism, make up for his lack of blackness in marrying a white woman? i think tyler perry movies are, by and large, stupid. does that me less black?

i just don't understand how anyone… ANYONE.. has the right to question anyone else's personal choices, be it what they wear, who they screw, or what types of pop culture they like.

and it bugs the crap out of me when people joke around "i'm blacker than you" because they know five more wu tang songs than i do.

that sort of bullshit begets more stereotypes and brings us, as PEOPLE (black, white, asian, latino,native american or whatever) down. it brings the human race down. it is not helpful. it does nothing to elevate the discussion. and it's depressing.

why the hell should cord be required to date black women? why does it even raise a red flag that he *doesn't* date black women?

i really don't understand where some of these ideas come from.

[i just reread this post and it's a rambling mess, but i've been lurking here for a while and just had to speak up.]

i really should have focused my above comment more.

oh well.

my main question is why is it better or worse if someone is blacker or less black than someone else? and what does being blacker or less black mean? is it speech? the types of music? experience growing up? the types of prejudices experienced growing up? where you grew up? these are things i think about every day, especially since my "white and jewish affiliation" is hidden because i "look all black."

and i misspoke… i actually *do* understand where these ideas come from, i just *don't* understand why they are still propagated.

Well,
For a lot of sisters they feel rejected when blk men refuse or don't date sisters at all. I think the sister in the letter had a problem with Cord not dating any sisters at all. If he had a few sisters mixed in with all of the other women, it probably would not be such an issue with some sisters.

stopthemadness- Sorry for all of the crap you received from other blacks.

One last thing,
When sisters date outside of the race exclusively
we get hell for it from other sisters but most def from black men. I wonder why?

I know this an unpopular stance, but there seems to be an overblown obsession with race in the black community. I know, I know, the victim naturally feels the effect more than the perpetrator, but There comes a time when one becomes obsessed with the pain and forget to enjoy life, instead life is spent passing on the pain and obsession to succeeding generations, dooming them to a mental baggage that they needn't carry.
You often read of black parents saying that " I have to prepare my child for the prejudices of the world" , while not realizing that they might be preparing their children to a life time of mental inferiority and a lifetime of searching for prejudices, even when someone says "niggardly" that child then reacts before seeking out a dictionary.
Why NOT simply teach the child the skills needed to survive under any conditions, amongst any group, DON'T tell the child at a early age "because of your color everything in this country is stacked against you" that will cause the child to not bother to try, not bother to dream of an Obama/Condolezza life, instead have a steady march to the prison complex.

Remember, and know that there is no such thing as a White race/Black race, that was a construct designed by enslavers to divide the various ethnic groups into master race and non-humans, so when you obsess on race you are just mouthing the language of the enslavers.

THE LESSONS A YOUNG CHILD NEEDS:
1. People might have different colors and appearances but they are all the same, some good-some bad-some smart-some not so smart.
2. As a parent it's my duty to introduce you to a person from as many ethnic groups as I can, at least one time in your life, so you will have spoken with another ethnic inhabitant of your world.
3. Remember this is your world, your land, as it is any other person, and you are entitled to your share of the pie, your share of the dream.

Sometimes the problem lies in how easily we accept our assigned roles in society, never questioning, never rebelling.

Sorry all I know my rant is inarticulate at best, but I needed to vent.

TruthTeller spoke the …… truth

"Remember, and know that there is no such thing as a White race/Black race, that was a construct designed by enslavers to divide the various ethnic groups into master race and non-humans, so when you obsess on race you are just mouthing the language of the enslavers."

Don't take this personally,but I get so tired of this "there is no such thing as race scientifically speaking" argument. It comes across as so smug and dismissive to me. Like there is no such thing as race so all discussions of race and racism are frivolous and damaging? You can discount the existence of race, but prejudice and racism does exist, and dismissing race as a construct doesn't help push things along-it sounds like a way to just have everyone shut up already.

Cord's black, proud, and dating white women. So the F- what? Like he's the first brother to do this. Quincy Jones been doin' it.

He never said he prefers white women, just that he dated them.

Now the real dilemna would be is if Cord rolls up an article on why he "prefers" white women, should the preference exist.

Then I'd be forced to take back my plate of my Mama's Rice and Beans from him.

Mama,

I think that is the problem…one can only ASSUME that if Cord only dates white women that he must have a problem with Black women or maybe his own "blackness". I will say I have no problem with interratcial dating but I do believe a person has a problem if they REFUSE to date their own "race" or a particular "race". For example, it is rather curious to me if an (all white) male announces that he only exclusively dates Black women…why??????????

After the "archtypal African American" comment, I knew the rest of the essay was going to be drivel. Sadly, my assumption was correct.

Cord is something else. He went out of his way to avoid anything that would construed as "black", but is taken aback if someone questions why he would write for a black interest blog or if he considers himself black.

Perhaps it's generational. He is a Millennial. Like so many young people, the fact that he knows precious little about a topic doesn't stop him from insisting that he's an expert.

The construction of race goes beyond skin colour. Its a culture and surroundings. If someone dates outside their race, it may have nothing to do with skin colour. I mostly listen to rock music, while most black males listen to hip hip, a genre i hate. In this case, i have have more in common culturally with a white man than a black man.

well put, Charles….

anon-

that assumption is of your own making and not borne of anything Cord actually said in his essay. i just skimmed it again and nowhere does he say he *only* dates white women, or that he *refuses* to date white women. he was relaying a particular story from a particular time period in his life. to generalize that he only dates women from his statement that he dated a white woman or two in 2001-2003 is not supported by anything he said.

further, even if cord only dates white women, it does not logically follow that he has a problem with black women or with his own blackness. that statement makes zero sense to me. my dad has been married to a white woman for 40 years. let's say my mom was the first woman he dated. does it follow that he has a problem with black women or his own blackness? of course not. let's say he dated some asian and latina women before settling down with mom. it doesn't follow that he has a problem with black women. that sort of statement really makes no sense to me at all.

restricting oneself to a pool of people based solely on skin color is, to me, absurd.

whoops, "*refuses* to date BLACK women", is what i meant.

and "to generalize that he only dates WHITE women from his statement…" is what i meant.

Stop,

#1 I never said Cord only exclusively dates whites. I said that one can only assume "IF"…and I think that is what the others assumed.

#2. Your examples of your dad marrying the 1st woman he dated and another of dating multiple "races" had nothing to do with what I said so I don't see why you are picking a fight with me. I said I would think that anyone, regarless of race that only dates a specific race (apparently rejecting true love if it doesn't come in a certain package) would appear as if a person has a problem.

#3. I DO NOT CARE WHO CORD DATES! Again, you misinterpreted my comments and are arguing with the wrong person! There were others who flat out said they thought it was wrong! I never did! You should find someone else to take your frustations out on regarding this matter.

As a matter of fact, I assumed he was gay. LOL! So man, woman, Black, White, Asian, etc is his own choice!

good point and fair enough, anon. i certainly didn't mean to be picking fight with you.

i reread your comment and i was definitely projecting some of my frustrations at discussions i have had with others about this topic on to you.

*hangs head and asks for forgiveness.*

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh, I'm a sucker, TRUCE! I figured you just had your "dander" up already! It's cool. I have questions/issues regarding some of Cords views but this ain't it. Although I do believe people who date certain groups exclusively are "curious". I'm not obsessed with it b/c hard as love is to come by these days, I think you should snatch it up when you find it! "It's hard out there for a pimp"! LOL!

One more thing, to be fair, as far as those who are fervent about the dating preferences of others are a bit "curious" to me also. If you believe in true love (and I'm hoping I still do :-)then I don't feel anyone should be overly concerned with others. I have heard some say that b/c of the shortage of black men etc..they don't feel that Black men should date whites (for example) exclusively b/c there are none left for Black women. Well I say, you don't really want that particular man anyway, right??? As far as finding a good man, well that's a whole different story!

yeah, i posted on here for the first time yesterday and came out guns blazing. i was shooting at the wrong person!

i agree, people who date certain groups exclusively are curious. i have white guy friends who only date asian women. what's up with that?

and i agree with you. it IS hard out there for a pimp. i count myself lucky that anyone is willing to put up with my crazy ass.

yes, yes, yes. that's why i don't understand black women who get pissed off when they see black men with white women. focus on the reason you aren't happy because you haven't found the right man, and don't hate on other women because they have found the right man. it's not a one in one out policy. if you can prove to me that johnny black guy would be dating you if he weren't dating joan white chick, then we can talk. but you can't prove that. so go make yourself happy and quit complaining.

Stop,

I totally agree! You are pretty cool. I will be looking forward to my next "fight"/encounter with you. Peace!

further, even if cord only dates white women, it does not logically follow that he has a problem with black women or with his own blackness. that statement makes zero sense to me. my dad has been married to a white woman for 40 years.

but if he has dated 10,20,40 women in his life time and not one has been black I would wonder why?

I think the reason some ride black men about this topic is because we expect more from them, why should so many sisters suffer from loneliness or baby mama hood when there are good brothers out there who chose to marry anyone but someone who looks like their mother.
If you meet someone who is a different race but a good person then go ahead, but to have so much self hatred that you would never date someone who looks like you, now that is what people have a problem with. You or anyone else on this board cannot deny that there are plenty of brothers who hate sisters with a passion simply because they are blk.

People have talked about Quincy Jones and loyalty for some time now. Actions speak louder than words; we do not need a brother to say he does not like us to figure it out. I do not need a man to tell me that he is a murder if I see him plunge a knife into someone’s back.

That said, whoever wrote that note was really out of line. There was no need to be so cold.

"agree, people who date certain groups exclusively are curious. i have white guy friends who only date asian women. what’s up with that"

Women have to be careful because men play women against each other. I have heard and read that many yt guys do this because they like how petite and thin many Asian women are.

chic-

i actually don't know any black men who hate black women simply because they are black, but i won't deny that you or others have met such people. i've just never had that experience.

but i agree… self hatred is unproductive. and projecting self hatred is unproductive.

as for loneliness and baby mama hood, that's at trickier point. the idea that here are black women out there are who are suffering from loneliness because they can't find a good non-self-hating black man is pretty depressing. but what are these women waiting for? why can't they pick people for who they are, rather than focusing first on "i need a black man." i look for good, responsible, intelligent (whether "educated" or not), funny men. i certinaly wouldn't want a man who picks me based on superficial characteristics. and as for baby mama hood, that can often be solved by using your head when choosing sexual partners, can't it? and being self-sufficient enough so that if you do end up pregnant and the man won't or can't be there, you can still make it on your own… even if it means not having the kid (i'm not trying to start an abortion debate either… i was adopted and it worked out great for me. in fact, i just found out TODAY, that my bio parents (both black) were both 16 years old and gave me up because they knew they couldn't raise me. my bio mom, at least, had aspirations to go to college and become a lawyer like her mom. i'm a lawyer. that freaks me out a little.)

anyway, i could be very naive. i'll grant you that.

damn the typos.

oh well.

anon-

i had my first "fight" and "reconciliation" online without all the nasty bullshit you find on other sites. it's nice to share ideas with rational people. i appreciated your comments a lot!

i've also heard white men talk about the stereotypical demureness and deference of asian women.

and yes. we women can be our own worst enemy.

Sigh. Black American men need to STOP THE SELF HATE AND THIS MADNESS. I'm too dark for some, not dark enough for others. GIVE ME A BREAK! I hold my own against any blonde and fear them not. I'm pretty, intelligent, hard working, down to earth and of good character- males with penises disguised as men and who are insecure want stupid, materialistic, and loose women no matter their color. Thanks to God I found an island man with NONE of these hangups…keep your heads up sistas they are out there! Ignore the idiots!

Wow, the fact that this comment even got attention is beyond me. It's just buying into the whole, "black women have an issue with black men dating white women." Honestly ladies, would you really want to date one of these guys? If someone can't be attracted to you because of their personal issues, why would you even want to put up with that? I say, "let them go!" Sure, it is destroying the black community, but hey…isn't the purpose of all of this race mixing being able to hold hands and sing Kum by yah? After all, Cord isn't just black.

Stopthemadness,

You are just as prejudiced as those you criticize. You go into stereotypes about how "black act"? (Well Noted trying her hard to refrain from calling Stopthemadness an idiot dumb*ss) Not every Black person listens to Wutang. Not every Black person who grows up around white people refuses to date black people. Not every Black person likes Tyler Perry. Sounds as if you have your own unresolved issues. Check yourself before you start posting your bull "fill in the blank".

Cord,

You never dated a black woman, but you are going around insecure about your dating practices and avoiding any challenges. I bet the thought of a black woman as dark as Alek Wek approaching you for a date makes you cringe. What a sellout! I bet you get nervous when you see a group of black men walking up to you? I bet you get quiet when you are in a group of black people?

You posted the "inbox" note because you wanted reassurance that you are okay, and needed people to come to your rescue. Well Cordell Jefferson, you ain't getting it here.