Cord, stop being sensitive

There is alot of pressure to be "black" for African-Americans.Its just like in School Daze's "Straight and Nappy"/ good and bad hair skit. Its bad enough when black people are being disrciminated from other races (because of our race), but when we do it to ourselves, its more harmful.Your's and Lauren's post "Am I Black Enough For Ya" should go along with this post.

I hate when people don't allow others to be themselves. To many of "us" fall into that trap of thinking we have to like or be like the BET and MTV version of a black person.

I find this too. I have been called white girl by black people on many occasions beacuse my idol is Audrey Hepburn, beacuse I lOVE alternative rock because I feel uncomfortable in a room with grills. But due to the amount of segregation , i find it hard to make friends with white people. I guess i don't fit it.

It seems Cord has a problem with black people.

Who the f— cares? Duke is an especially segregated campus. Yes, if you have white friends, go sailing, listen to Matchbox 20. I have an extremely priss Anglo name and apparently sound like Hillary Banks according to a blind dude (hmmph!). I don't have a limited view of what it is to be black, a luxury I have thanks to that being a 1st generation American bit.

On the other hand, I also have black friends. Not that I say "hi" to occasionally. I actual have relationships with them.

The bit of sensitivity I sense on your end Cord might disappear if you were comfortable with your identity and didn't feel like a poseur plus if you just accepted that people are going to find some reason to judge you regardless, your life would be much easier and B.S. like that would roll of your back. If you ask people from college, they probably didn't count me as black. I didn't hang out with all the black people because I didn't like all the black people. Actually, I strongly disliked several. I hung out with people individually or in small groups. The end.

This one too many whiny posts about blacks not fitting in with blacks. Yes its wrong, but people will be ignorant and kids will be kids. Fall in love with who you are and maybe you wont put so much weight into what people percieve of you.

@ Chic Noir–co-sign!

The article itself is a lot different from the blurb you use here. The guy (Weingartner) never says that the problem is solely coming from blacks & the woman (Singleton) says that "both communities can be very judgmental."
Also Bonila-Silva says that once he pinnned down his students, the white students who said they had black friends (based on a game of basketball) considered casual acquaintances friends & the black students required more than a game of basketball or a casual greeting to consider someone their friend.

To be honest, I've always felt it required "more work" to maintain my relationships with my "black" friends. I could only play certain cds in their presence, I had to dress more "urban," I couldn't sound too "proper" ("Oreo" & "white boy" stuck with me for some time), etc. I've received more criticism from blacks than anybody else. To be honest, I'm more on edge when I'm around supposed "authentic blacks." It's like having having an over-critical mother/father.

This just doesn't apply to black folks– it happens to us immigrants and non-white/non-black minorities, too.

There is a lot of pressure to conform to "cultural" values, and then there's that thing, trying to be "American" (whatever that means).

I’ve always felt it required “more work” to maintain my relationships with my “black” friends. I could only play certain cds in their presence….

geez louweeze!! then those aren't really your friends! argghhhh!! stop hanging with them. simple as that. find people you get along with based on personality and interests.

i had those issues maybe in high school and freshman year of college. but as an adult, it's really not that deep. who gives a crap about color when you're making friends. don't hang with assholes. problem solved.

@Summer - exactly!

Where do "real" or "authentic" black people come from? That always confused me. Income and education seem to be involved.

I like this idea that there is a standard "Whitey McWhiteguy", dressed in Dockers and a polo shirt (white), eating white rice and listening to the White Stripes while whitewater rafting. Does anyone ever act like, say, Bill O'Reilly? Mike Myers? Those dudes are real white.

And when white people act "black", why is the black dude always apparently someone like DMX? I want to see more white people acting like Samuel L. Jackson. Life would get a whole lot more interesting.

@Summer:

Yeah I know. I' not surrounding myself with people who keep me from acting myself (That actually ended after my 1st year and a half of college). I was just pointing out the pressures of fitting the "black mold." Some of them are still my "friends", but they're not "my crew." We may run into each other at a club and hang out there, but we're not hanging out on a daily basis. But I do have some cool, open-minded, black friends that share my interests. It's not that skin color should be an issue, but I think it's great to know another person of the same ethnicity that can relate to you. It does wonders to one's self esteem and identity.

@Ike:

Good to know. And yes, it is nice to have black friends who can relate to you, I agree. Just saying that my first priority is that we "click" after that I'm extra excited if you're black. Generally, though, the folks I'm clicking with, the ones I don't have to explain anything to, they just get it, happen to be black, too. and they listen to matchbox 20 and keyshia cole, just like me.

@daria of GBW - Hahaha, a blind dude told you you sound like Hillary Banks! I cannot stop laughing. I'm sorry but that is hilarious. People tell me I sound like Cher from Clueless (that's right I can't even fucking pass for Dion) all the time so I feel your pain.

@RhymesWithSilver - I, for one, do NOT want to see more white dudes acting like Samuel L. Appropriation is not the answer people.

I think I got over the "not acting Black/Nigerian" thing around sophomore year in college. It just started to get really old. And the things that labeled me as "White acting" or "too American" was using proper grammar, being a neat freak, eating with my pinkies up, and rejecting a lot of Nigerian customs.

Once I started trimming the fat (useless relatives and friends) out of my life, things got better. I decided that I wasn't gonna drive myself crazy tryna suit some insecure person's BS standards. People who are really secure with themselves are able to accept someone's uniqueness.

i went to duke and i found my social lines drawn weirdly along socioeconomic status. the black students who were wealthy (i was not) were less embracing of me than the white students who were even more wealthy. rich white kids, at least the ones i hung out with, didn't care about what i had but what i had to offer socially and intellectually, but i was involved with the drama folks, so maybe they had more liberal views or whatever. having gone to an urban, racially-mixed high school where most of the kids were from working class families like mine, it was my first time being exposed to that kind of classism personally. i'd always had all kinds of friends (plus it was the disco era, we all liked to boogie) but not too many black ones from duke. mostly my black friends from college years were from NCCU across town.

"eating with my pinkies up"

Anonymiss can you explain^^^ ?

@summer - exactly. Those "authentic blacks" are the reason I didn't hang around large groups of black people. I'm not going to go out of my way for some idiot with identity issues and a limited scope of what it means to be black give me high blood pressure. If they wanted to hang out with only black people, they should have found an HBCU in a rural area in the middle of no where that no one else wants to attend because that's the only way they're apparently going to be happy.

s**t, Cord I'm sorry that some people are attacking you and calling you 'sensitive'/trying to psychologize you for whatever reason. You post what ya post.

The subject itself seems to never have a large-scale solution. Everyone gets thru this somehow on their own terms, whether they be dishing out the hate, or receiving it.