Every year, I glimpse the photos and hear first-hand accounts of the Essence Festival in New Orleans, and every year I wonder why I didn't bite the bullet and go. This year I happened to have been elsewhere in Louisiana, dancing to zydeco and eating copious amounts of food with my impossibly large extended family. Maybe next year. Mary J. Blige and Chris Rock were the headliners of the weekend event, but Kanye West, Rihanna, Chris Brown, and many others, graced the festival's stage. Were any of you in attendance?

Lots of pics after the jump.

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• Now that Kobe Bryant has been minted the new NBA MVP, endorsements that he lost three years ago during his rape scandal are coming back to him. [BV]

• Karma's a bitch, R. Kelly. [Bossip]

• Isaiah Washington is pissed at Grey's Anatomy producers for using his likeness in an episode after kicking him to the curb last year. [Reuters]

• Chris Rock, in all of his infinite wisdom. [C&D]

• That guy who knocked Suge Knight out over the weekend was a 5'10 barber. Pardon, a 5'10 barber who now fears for his life. [MG]

Time's annual list of the World's 100 Most Influential People is out, and Tyler Perry, Jacob Zuma (president of the African National Congress), Chris Rock, Herbie Hancock, Mariah Carey, Mo Ibrahim (Sudanese-British mobile communications mogul), Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey made the cut. Check out the full list here. Who do you think was overlooked? Who doesn't belong? All I know is, if one of the world's most influential people is also the sort of person who marries a two-bit comedic actor/rapper after knowing him for a month, then I'm scared for the world.

We all know how Chris Rock got involved with Anthony Pellicano, the shady private investigator currently on trial on a whole host of charges. Today, he was called to testify at Pellicano's star-studded trial, looking, according to TMZ, "freaked out" and "nervous." Uh, I would be, too.

On the stand today, Rock was asked what — if anything — he knew about Pellicano's tactics, to which he replied, he didn't know jack.

As for the rape allegations, Rock testified, "I'm here a free man, I didn't do anything wrong. You know I didn't do anything wrong!"

As nervous as he must have been, the courtroom artist must have caught him in a relaxed moment. Or maybe he or she finished up the sketch just as Rock found out there were no further questions. The whole things lasted about 15 minutes, just like the stupid one-night stand that got him into the whole mess in the first place.

For those who continue to wince at a white man comedically portraying a black man (and all the stereotypes which accompany that role), how far is too far from a black man?

This is Chris Rock in the new issue of Rolling Stone:

Barack has a handicap the other candidates don't have: Barack Obama has a black wife. And I don't think a black woman can be first lady of the United States. Yeah, I said it! A black woman can be president, no problem. First lady? Can't do it. You know why? Because a black woman cannot play the background of a relationship. Just imagine telling your black wife that you're president? 'Honey, I did it! I won! I'm the president.' 'No, we the president! And I want my girlfriends in the Cabinet! I want Kiki to be secretary of state! She can fight!'

In a sneak peek from the new season of African American Lives, the Henry Louis Gates-hosted PBS series that helps black celebrities trace their ancestry, Chris Rock gets choked up after hearing about a relative that served in the Union Army during the Civil War. If you didn't see the previous installment, it's a fascinating show that's worth watching. It premieres February 6th.

THE BLACK LIST, a documentary by Timothy Greenfield-Sanders and Elvis Mitchell, was a hit a Sundance Film Festival hit and has been snatched up by HBO's documentary unit. The film features interviews from legendary black icons and celebs like Colin Powell, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Toni Morrison, Dick Parsons, Chris Rock, Al Sharpton and Slash. Diddy, acting very Diddy, is also featured. "[He] says he 'drapes himself in diamonds' because he deserves them. 'You can almost see the little boy he was growing up," said reviewer Kim Voynar, 'wanting longingly to be someone important.'" Sounds like Oprah was probably busy.

Chris Rock performed before a sold-out crowd on New Year's Eve in NYC, and although most of us — the ones that don't have tickets to any of the shows on his six-month tour — will have to wait for the special, Page Six has a few of his new jokes on hand. Surprise! They're mostly political. And probably a lot funnier when he says them.

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• Before his sentencing, Michael Vick tried to tell the judge in a heartfelt letter that he was not the beast he was made out to be in the media. Apparently, the judge didn't believe him. [CNN]

• Just when I think Irv Gotti (or Superhead, really) can't get any more disgusting… [EUR, YT]

• This movie looks like a train wreck waiting to happen. [C&D]

• Chris Rock and Tichina Arnold love the children. [People]

• Slow news week or Entertainment Weekly? [EW]

Barack Obama gave a much-anticipated speech at Harlem's Apollo Theatre yesterday, and while Kiki Shepherd wasn't in attendance, Chris Rock and a wildy-gesticulating Cornel West showed support.

Read more about the campaign stop here.

Sidebar: Can people please stop calling Harlem "Bill Clinton's territory?" Yes, Hillary presides over it as a NY senator, but having an office in a neighborhood doesn't make it your territory. Anyway, check the pics after the jump.

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American Gangster squashed the competition this weekend, putting Jerry Seinfeld's Bee Movie in second place. Just think how much more money AG could have made had it not been pirated weeks ago.

And I guess that squash is a strong word to use when Bee Movie still made a respectable $39.1 million, but did anyone notice that Seinfeld gave his old buddy Michael Richards a part in his animated film? Maybe the presence of Oprah Winfrey and Chris Rock in the cast evens things out. Or maybe nobody gives a shit about Michael Richards' "nigger" rant. We've got bigger fish to fry. Like Duane "Dog" Chapman, for instance.

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• As long as there's no sex in the champagne room… [PS]

• Dissecting a public figure's classic "apology" for saying something racist. [RR]

• Birdman thinks Lil Wayne is greater than Tupac, Biggie and Jay-Z. [MNT]

• White supremacists plan a rally in Jena on Martin Luther King day. How innovative! [SPLC]

• Mekhi Phifer spawns. [E!]

Tyson Beckford is all set to host a new modeling competition show on Bravo, but lets hope he has polished his rough edges a bit since this 1998 appearance on The Chris Rock Show. Fortunately, we already know that he's long since ditched those glasses.