Robert Mugabe, gruesome overlord of Zimbabwe, has come forward to officially proclaim that he accepts the victory of opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai in last month's presidential election. Good news, right? Wrong, as Mugabe and his party, ZANU-PF, will not concede that Tsvangirai won by a margin wide enough to avoid a runoff election.

Political theorists believe that Mugabe's uncharacteristic concession, coupled with his insistence for a second election, can only mean one thing: He has ensured that he will win a runoff by threatening his constituents with unimaginable violence.

Soon after results began to indicate he was losing to Tsvangirai, Mugabe initiated campaigns to terrorize and starve members of the opposition party. Human rights workers say ZANU-PF also imprisoned 150 teachers who volunteered to oversee the elections, charging them with favoritism.

Tsvangirai is threatening to boycott a runoff. If he does, Mugabe will be declared the winner by default.