Look at the man lurching around in the video above, his disheveled hair, his slovenly appearance, his terrifying face. Today, if I happened by a man who looked like this on the street, I would probably cross to the other side. No, I would definitely cross to the other side. In fact, a few weeks ago, Washington, DC was briefly terrorized by a dancing, disoriented 20-something black man who would stab pedestrians in the back as they passed him in the street. If I lived in DC and had seen Method Man looking the way he does in this 1994 Bring The Pain video, I might just have called Crimestoppers.

The craziest thing about this revelation — that Method Man looks like a crazy person who would stab innocent commuters in the back — is that I was totally and completely in love with this man in the 90s. I mean, loooove. I imagined him divorcing his wife, once I came of age, and marrying me so that we could live a charmed life on Staten Island. Seriously. I do not understand what was going on in my teenage mind, but I am comforted by the fact that many, many women had huge Method Man crushes that they can't explain. Anyway, Method Man was part of a brief moment in hip hop history when rappers did not have to be overly decorated urban dandies wearing millions of dollars in jewelry, designer clothes and shoes. Meth looks like his outfit cost about $2. So here is a gift to you of a song by my former future husband. Enjoy, but watch your back.