Defensive, are you?

this is a silly, self-promoting post, and not just because of its inappropriately aggresive tone. stereohyped is supposed to be a black interest blog, not a forum for you to work out your identity and cultural issues. i enjoyed your first "am i black enough" post, and thought it was thoughtful and suitable post for this blog. but enough! if you don't want people commenting on your personal or romantic life, stop bringing it up as a topic for discussion.

Your choices are your own, but the 42% never married African American female population does not exist in a vaccum. I wish there were more venues for "alternative" blacks to gather b/c dating whites is the easiest route (proximity) but not the only one. When I went to art galleries and underground parties in L.A., the black men who are younger than middle-aged are often in interracial couples and the black women are usually single. This is a common theme I see in areas with low black populations.

You are a mixed person who likes ppl who are in some way similar to you mother; what's wrong with that?
Black people are clearly sensitive about the issue b/c we know that people want to distance themselves from us.
I just wish that people would stop pretending that interracial dating was a free-for-all when there are clearly certain patterns you see in the U.S.

Cord, I don't really care about the race of the person you date. I'm a black male and it's often assumed by my friends that I will only date white guys — since that's what they've seen.

It's not that I won't date a black guy; I just don't find too many in the places I frequent or doing the things I like. An example: I was purchasing something at the Museum of Modern Art one time and the African-American retail clerk helping me mentioned that she doesn't see many black men there.

Like I'm not attracted to every white guy I meet, I'm also not attracted to every black guy. When you add the fact that I don't run into many black guys I don't already know, it becomes more difficult to find one I'd be interested in dating.

As a gay male, I'm the first to say we don't choose our attractions; it's just innate behavior. Having said that, a bi-racial friend of mine told me that most bi-racial children are attracted to the race of their opposite sex parent. That is to say, a bi-racial (black/white) girl with a white mother is usually attracted to black men; a bi-racial guy with a black father is usually attracted to white women, etc. Not sure if there are stats on this, but it seems to hold true for most of the bi-racial people I know. Not sure if that means more nuture over nature. I don't even think it matters. I just find it interesting.

I'm actually more concerned why you've (at least to my knowledge) never revealed your college. Like Lauren, I'm a proud grad of UVa. You've mentioned your college experiences a couple of times and I know it was a small school in Virginia. I just don't know which one.

Interesting that some believe it is their right to know the exact number of black to white ratio that Cord (or anyone) has dated. That it will push him up or down the scale of blackness if the number is what you deem to be appropriate is just confusing to me and frankly no one business.

I also don't think his response is silly or aggressive but simply attempting to get the point across of the original post, (at least my take on it) that the black experience is varied and many. That we come in all shades, from different economic and cultural backgrounds. There is no one decisive black experience and both Lauren and Cord seem to have a firm grasp and acceptance, imo, of their identities and culture.

The question is why are you so concerned with someone else's level of blackness when we as a community have much more pressing issues to tackle?

"At my college, the black population was seven percent, and the social circle in which I traveled — Greek life — was overwhelmingly white."

Correction- Your social circle was the White Greek circle. There are BGLO's (of which I'm a member)…you just chose to not join one of those frats nor attend their events on a regular basis or date members. You always have a choice. You clearly made yours.

Now stand behind it and stop explaining yourself. I agree with the previous poster, "tiger." For someone who says he doesn't care if/how people judge him, you sure are doing a lot of posturing. Additionally, I come here for a snarky look at news and pop culture, not to learn about your dating proclivities. If I wanted that information, I'd try to friend you on Facebook or something.

Have a good weekend.

Gotta love contextual ads. I'm not tech savvy enough to capture the shot and it in this response, but there's a tower ad running on lower portion of this site directing people to sign up for Interracial Romance. Ah, the irony!

(And before someone gets upset or thinks that Cord/David devised this post to generate revenue, it's a Google sponsored ad. Hence the "contextual" ad.)

Cord - your problem is you listen to idiots and you allow idiots to annoy you

I agree with you Cord, specially about the nurture V nature part. You date who ever you have simular interests with and who your are attracted to, race does not matter. I love post-punk revival music. Chances are a black man does not listen to that, chances are he listens to hip hop, which i do not listen too. I don't like Rock-a-wear, but i love Abercrombie. If i find a black man who shares my interests, i would date him, same if a he was white.

i can understand why Cord felt the need to address this in a separate post. i find interesting the people who accuse him of being defensive, rather than addressing his question: if humanity, rather than race, dictates quality, then why the outcry about the color of women he dates?

there are men who date exclusively one type of women based on some myth. i've always thought that was creepy; Cord doesn't strike me as one who does this.

as a black female who has only had white male partners, i used to cringe whenever some of my brothers accused me of hating on them. as Cord pointed out, proximity plays a huge role. grew up bourgie; developed interests that put me around not just white people, but middle-class white people. let's not overlook the part economics plays in this.

I feel ya, Cord.

Black female who grew up in the rural midwest, location says it all. I've dated as many white guys as I have black. And some black guys feel that just because of that, I hate them or something. Culture does play a role too. Cause of my situation growing up, I am into stuff that not all brothers are into.

Some brothers seem to think that I hate black people and I disrespect black men by dating out (and likewise to black women who think the same about black men)…if they only knew that loving Person A (notice it's not RACE A) isn't about hating Race B.

Waaaah, Waaah other black people said I act white, sniffle, sniffle.

I'm so sick of grown ass people crying about what some ignorant ass black kids called them when they were growing up LOL.

Get the hell over it, they would have picked on you about something else if it wasn't your looks.

Sorry thats how people are.

Same shit happened to me growing up, I didn't give a damn I had a mission and it was fulfilled.
Hell my current girlfriend said the same thing to me.
"Marcus you act white." That night I told her to bend her ass over and she got over my "whiteness" with the quickness lol
Just kidding all you feminist out there LOL, sheesh.

"grew up bourgie; developed interests that put me around not just white people, but middle-class white people. let’s not overlook the part economics plays in this." - souldecirce

Interesting. Isn't this what Jack & Jill and other organizations are for, though? To put you in contact with other scattered about children of the educated, upwardly mobile, middle and upper middle class Blacks in your area? That is the purpose it served in my area, and it worked. You could develop your interests amongst other kids who attended predominantly white schools and lived in predominantly white areas, but could find kids who looked like them and shared their experiences and interests.

ummm, can i be the first to admit that i have a preference in dating white guys. and its not because of who i hang with (although that is a factor). promarily, its because i PREFER to date white guys. funny how no one ever faults guys who can say they prefer to date asian or latin or black women. and i feel cord's pain when it comes to all the hate.

Bari:

i don't know what Jack & Jill is (aside from the rhyme). perhaps those organizations didn't exist in my area. although i don't think my parents would have found such a place useful.

ho sit down:
who says that guys aren't faulted for having a preference? maybe you missed the feedback that prompted Cord's post. guys and gals are both faulted for dating outside of their race. guys used to be faulted for only dating blonds. or girls without glasses. de gustibus non est disputandum.

yet, i do think there's something wrong with guys (and girls, though this is less common) who have "Black / Eastern / Latino / Blond" fantasies because it involves shoehorning an individual into something that may look nice, but starts to really hurt not too long after.

Wow. We're still talking about this?

Go read Lauren's post. It pretty much mirrors the comment I left under Cord's previous "Haterade" post.

Well, I see nothing wrong with dating different races, but I think this post basically confirmed your preference of "white" females. It's not really a big deal though, you're half white. You're a "person of color" but I think we all acknowledge the fact that you are multiracial.

Ike: Yeah, you have a point and it's no big deal at all regardless of what your ethnicity is. As I don't think Cords intentions are like other black men at all. Which I think one can sense and thus should not 'jump to conclusions'

It's interesting because it IS an issue. I have an issue were I never have black guys interested in me AT ALL. I only get white guys ALL the time. It used to piss me off and I'd find myself trying to just find some black guy cause I only ever dated white guys but I don't want to ask a guy out unless I feel something back-so I just have to go with the flow.

And in all fairness-like attracts like so the kind of white guys who do like me tend to be into the same shit -hip fashion/style-rocky/electronic music and reading doytevesky. I also have a library of Toni Morrisson books,an impressive collection of unheard 30's blues and a few hoodie tops in my wardrobe…but hey we live in a world with no blurs right?! Blah.

It's all so ridiculous-people are sooo obsessed with the outside and with color. Though I think some issues may be more about economy and class then race?

Americans seem very totalitarian when it comes to identity and other stuff it seems. Apart from TRACE mag-it seems that there aren't a lot of various identities for blacks? Am I wrong? I know I don't see myself in any black female mainstream mags or anything like VIBE? But I don't know..I'm also not religious AT ALL..and this seems to be something that is very close to the African American way of life?

Not sure as I'm not American and I'm from England and it's a helluva lot more mixed here. Really mixed..so it's not a big deal AT ALL unless you hang out with ignorant people. So when black guys aren't into me-I know it's cause of my color and their f'd up issues. But like I said for me personally-I've always thought it'd be nice to meet a guy my own color who can understand my rant and passion about race as much as I do/feel but whatevs I'm not going to diss a really cool hot white guy who is so similar to me in taste and who really wants me but just happens to be white..

Cord:

Skinny jeans are universal! What about Grandmaster Flash and the Furious 5 in 'The Message' video!?

And Talking Heads-'the god that is David Byrne', was so influenced by Hip Hop beats and African musical style…his such a cool guy-was going to interview him a while back and his such an eclectic open minded musician-funnily probably with more of a 'black' musical collection in its truest and widest sense then most black people..

I call BS! If you just prefer white girls, then just say it and stop justifying it. You are free to do whatever you wish. I, too, come from a place where growing up kids often asked me if I was "trying to be white" or accused me of trying to be "proper" or whatever. I, however, was attracted to black guys and that's who I have always dated.

The defensive tone and the BS "justifications" of your comments only make you seen insecure and race conscious. So, from one human to another — stop it and enjoy your damn life on your own terms without worrying about noise from those who have a problem with what you do personally.

All of you saying that Cord is talking BS seriously have no idea of what it is like to be "othered" by the people you choose to identify with. I am african, british, raised in a priveledged household, and have had MANY people question my choices as not being "black".

I applaud Cord for calling them out on it, you shouldn't be taking him to task for calling out those very same people. I married someone of a different race and my mother (of all people) said that the only reason I'm with him because I was tired of being a n*****. (How is that taking about childhood drama? I'm almost 30, Cord is older than 22 - his incidents are recent.)

Stop trivializing Cord's choices and his decisions to discuss the whys of making his choices in light of repeated abuseive comments by some people. It almost seems, that in some people's eyes, there are no justifications for dating outsides ones race if one doesn't also hate/dislike/secretly have racist feelings towards their own race.

Come on people CONTEXT!

I know this is way off topic but did you go to college in Arizona?

Didi:

You're not hearing. If you check out every response to Cord's piece-you would see that we all have our own agenda-as people.

You said you are African/British? Are you mixed raise? Do you still leave in England? We may know the same people if you're pretty creative?

No one was saying there was no context! There IS!? People were being nice and honest….hun you know this is a sensitive subject….let it ride…

I'd love to talk to UK people etc, so give me an email if you have the chance so we can discuss the concept further..

It would be twisted of Cord to date someone he doesn't love just to prove he has no racial preference.
On Mollygood, he has pointed out black is beautiful several times. And he has also pointed out that people with fair skin should not Fake 'N Bake because white is beautiful, too.
He's open to many things, but not racism.

Must not be easy to :
- describe oneself basically as half white, a quarter native american (?) and a quarter black,
- say to have "white" tastes,
- be forced by some occult forces to confess to the world (aka Stereohyped humble users) about dating almost only white women

… and then work for a website that claims "Once you blog black, you never come back"

Life is not without a sense of irony.

Yet, isn't this going a little to far in the strictly personnal area regardless of the motives ?

i think Rachel's the first person to say point to it…the tagline for this blog doesn't do its writers and editors justice.

when i first saw it, i almost didn't come back. fortunately, someone close to me told me that the content was worth sticking around. she was right.

Rachel!

Love the Matrix reference, but wait, is that a white or Black thing?

I was called White girl more times than I could count. I would eat lunch by myself everyday of high school because I had no friends. Black girls wouldn't talk to me or associate with me. I was threatened with beat downs on a daily basis cause I was "that white girl", "that girl who think she white". My favorite was being asked "Are you mixed" I didn't know how to answer because I am (technically) but I don't look mixed. But the girl who asked the question was the coolest Black girl, like ever, and so I said yes and she said "I thought so because nobody could act as white as you without a white mama or daddy". Hmm, sniffle sniffle.

My point? I understood what caused Black children (and I saw them as children, first of all) to say those things, and as much as it hurt, I knew I wasn't white and wasn't ever gonna be white. So I was in Jack and Jill, I was active in the Black church and the minute that I could, when I got to college, I surrounded myself with Black people who had a similar experience. I pledged a Black sorority, dated Black men, went to Black parties, and lived in the Black dorm. And my college was maybe 8% Black.

Cord, it's about choices. You had a choice. Period. I don't fault you your choice. But I hear you saying that life acted upon you and the reality is you are an active participant in your life. You had a say so in how you turned out. As did I. As does everyone else. But I challenge you, if you are going to post something so personal, then take personal responsibility for the choices that you made. Can you feel me? Lastly, you are speaking for Black people now. You stand in a position where you are considered an "expert" of sorts. Who knows, keep up this line of work and you could end up on CNN, speaking for "Black" people. And it is perfectly valid for people to question your credentials to speak about the beauty of a Black woman, or the validity of a Black woman, when in your personal life, you have never actually experienced it in an intimate, loving relationship. Can you possibly see how people might take issue with that?

@lunanoire. You sound like the homie! Your post was totally rocking! I am so glad that someone else who is Black and female is out there! Were are the Black female blogs, cause sometimes a sista just needs to feel at home, ya know?

Personally I found Cord's post boring, the whole rant of not feeling black enough and being called "white" belongs in the 21st century or, in a fist year college dorm–i.e. who gives a fuck?! In fact, my only beef is with the Jack and Jill graduates who insist such an organization is something that enriches black life, rather than divides. Jack and Jill is an elitist institution, whose very roots served to divide dark skinned, poorer blacks from the more affluent, lighter skinned counterparts–(paper bag tests anyone.)As someone familiar with this vile, ultra conservative institution I will say that I would rather spend one hour listening to a black man or woman defend their decision to date interracially, even if it would put me to sleep, than someone attempt to sell me on the perils of Jack and Jill.

@Lunanoire and Michelle: You ladies put it down. I hope Cord has a clue now.

@Michelle: *STANDING OVATION*

Confidential to Cord: You should have expected the blowback. I mean, really. The majority of commenters on Stereohyped are BLACK women. Please stop acting brand-new. Now go kiss your white girlfriend.

You know, these racial tirades about Cord Jefferson and whether he is by "defition" black enough or having to see him validate "his blackness" for others is quite exhausting.
I obviously came in on the tail end of this discussion as comment #31, but I had to respond.

I don't know what's worst the fact that this man is just working, doing what he obviously loves and is being put on the chopping block, or is it the fact that– due to the level of integrity this site has, I expected more of it's readers.

Had Cord Jefferson acted as a ghost writer (editor) for/with Lauren and no one knew the ethnicity behind who was supplying, researching and journalizing the information on this site…people wouldn't second guess the information placed before them.

No one ever asks the advertisers, board members, bean counters or CEO's of many "African-amercian hair products, urban hip hop inspired apparel or even record company's with mainly African-american artist if they were "black enough" to do so. Instead, we just consume, consume, consume…never worrying about how information and products are being disseminated to us and our community.

**Sidebar…this is the INTERNET…a place where anyone can say what they feel and it is not required to be a fact by textbook standards…so why should we question this man because we know a little bit of his bio…

Get a grip Mr/Mrs Racially Inquisitive. Yes, I too would like to feel close with the folks that provide me with food for thought each day and entertainment but Cord is not vying to be your homeboy….boyfriend…or next door neighbor. He is giving you his honest opinion in real time about life as we currently know it.

Those who feel the need to question the "blackness " of others brings me to question their "diversity and exposure".

Well traveled, read, educated (and by this I mean with life experiences) people tend to be diverse in their tastes AND the company they keep. I can admit that I too in the past found anger with "black guys who ONLY date WHITE girls". Low and behold, as my life took me to places of high diversity or no diversity with me as the only spec in the room (internationally and domestically), I found the need to create other common bonds and began to expand my views about race and dating…plus it was never my damn business what other people do anyway.

In closure, I don't want to be that "angry black woman" on this page…(what would a conversation about black guys and who they date be without a little stereotype, right?) I just wanted to give ma boy Cord a shout. For being creative, well-rounded and exposed…and for being himself.

Thank you Cord and Lauren for all that you do

This blog is White owned and the Blacks who were HIRED to write for it are owned obviously are going to be as Whitey wants them to be. This crap of a site was invented to take over the Black celebrity blogsphere that has exploded over the last few years and become very lucrative. Naturally Whites had to get in on it and that is where this poorly written blog got it's roots from. This site is hardly worth the space it occupies online and Blacks should abandon it now. Stick to the many other Black blogs out there that so easily put this one to shame. There is no excuse as blogging has given a voice to many talented Black minds.

LEAVE YT NOW.

awesome post cord, clearly from the heart. and i commend you for doing it your own way. i don't feel as though you need to "confess" to us your "decision" to date exclusively white. i don't think that's what's going on in your life, bc you acknowledge the beauty of black women and did not say you were on no uncertain terms opposed to dating us.

i really agree with your first point about how one's surroundings are a major factor in deciding who we date. clearly most blacks live in majority black areas (such as the inner city or southern states) which may automatically limit our exposure to the possibility of dating outside the race.

from my experience, the more education and travel i undertake, the more i've been exposed to potential partners from different backgrounds.

however, i must call you out on your second point. i can't stand it when blacks say 'my experience is not the typical black experience' bc i don't believe there is such a thing. i believe what we label as the 'typical black experience' is just a STUPID set of images the media shoves at us. (that is primarily consumed by black youth who know no better). as black people and people who identify with black culture, our own personal anecdotes inform us that being black is a broad experience, more like that of being a global citizen!!! that is a wonderful thing and it makes me so happy and proud to be black.

black people: please don't discredit your own humanity and tastes by claiming that they are not black. doing this feeds into the idea that we are not human enough to have diverse interests and lends unfortunate credibility to the stereotypical image of what it means to be black.
stop apologizing for being who you are!!! if you like indie music and apple pie, guess what? it's probably bc you are SO american

don't you all know that all blacks did not like jazz, or agree with MLK's views, or go to church, or eat soul food or register as Democrats?!?!?!

and we should feel equally comfortable relating to different sides of american culture, as we do relating to different other world cultures.

finally to end my rant, i must commend the insights in the following posts:
#5, #7 and #26.

Our lives sound kind of similar except both my parents are black and I avoid Greeks like the plague.

People should lighten up on him lol. He should at least be able to vent on a blog.

Your use of the color-blind ideology is non-sensical. You can't have it both ways. You can't say you were raised in a primarily white environment, with a white parent, that it is nurture vs nature and then turn around and say love, or you are, or have the ability to be color-blind. How is that everything else we do is within a political, social, economic context, except for falling in love? How is that those experiences gave you the ability to color-blind? I think they may just have colored your thinking in a way you don't want to admit.

Dear brother in Christ,

I feel your pain. I am a black woman, married to a white man for 15 years. When you reach the point where you don't have to justify your life to people who don't matter then you have reached the mountain top!

Full disclosure: I went to an obscenely expensive private school, I'm a math major[small faculty, very few blacks], I joined clubs in uni such as competitive debating which is probably one of the few orgs that manages to remain so ridiculously white. I live in the gentrified faux-bohemian section of my city above a used book store. I mostly eat japanese food. I mainly hang out in places that are painfully-hipster. I haven't dated a black guy since I was in grade 8. I've liked quite a few but they've never really worked out (location , relationships, etc)

I've never posted before but the only reason I found this postly interesting is because I often find that when I'm out and black men approach me they like to make it known that I'm sooo different from all the other ignorant, unintelligent, unambitious black girls out. These men often let me know how great they would be for me because they are not only smart, ambitious, attractive, and cultured but they WILL date black girls that are similar to them in that regard. This happens like right after they learn my name. Of course, being a black woman I should be grateful. I don't know if this happens to others but I have found that in my various social groups I have found that it happens to me a lot. What I find even more mortifying is that these men speak like this in front of their white friends. I'm sorry but I will not date anyone who says that they do not generally date black women because they are all ignorant, trifling and lazy. Not. Attractive. At. All.

So the only problem I have with Cord's post is not that he's mostly dated white women. Its just that I have found that enough men have this self-loathing when it comes to dating black women that I am not going to buy it when Cord dismisses that possibility as "beyond the pale."

@Souldecirce : lol ! I might have meant exactly the contrary. Anyway. It's just that something in the milk ain't clean (lol! can't believe i wrote this!)

@Michelle : how did you figured out i've been learning english with my Matrix Trilogy !!!! Lol seriously : it wasn't in purpose. But yes it's one of my favorite movies.

I must also confess that i love Santogold (track L.E.S Artistes is playing in my ears right now). I must also confess i had a U2 poster in my room when i was a little teen, and that i loved a group called Europe (pop-hard rock) and didn't gave any r&b song a single chance. I confess i said "interresting" when i first heard a Public Enemy track. You forced me out of the closet : i love "white" stuff.

Yet i confess that Lil Wayne's Lollipop also caught my ears this year. And i probably could kill for fried chicken but also love sushis.

Come on people : those things are cultural. And culture is not skin deep.

Yet i wouldn't put white women in the same bag as fod and goods and clothes ! Anyway, who you love is strictly personnal business. It's painfully funny to see it raising so much controversy.

Insteed lets focus on things that are really important for black culture and black love : lets post heavily on Beyoncé and Jay's alleged wedding ! Our girl Bey did it ! She land a phoenix ! A tall, rich, smart, ambitious, rumored to "be packing" (yes it count !) black man ! As my favorite philosopher Kanye West once put it : "bow in the presence of greatness!"

cord,

the same people who called you "white" in school and college are likely the same (type of) persons who are "asking what color women you date."

their minds were made up then; their minds are made up now.

you're spinning your wheels with posts like these, IMO.

one last note: this is a black-interest blog, not a personal interest blog. i actually skipped both yours and lauren's posts about "am i black enough", because that's not why i come here. that's y'all's business. i just like the witty takes you guys provide on current affairs.

justification - smustification. just do you and keep it moving.

KETURAH, you can tell the difference between Lauren's posts and Cord's posts. I think we could tell, even if he ghost writes.

I always feel like Lauren's posts are conversations that we are having among girls while Cord's posts are filled with a little more angst.

Cornell West said this about blackness in Race Matters. And I agree with him, race does matter. Now, I don't think it should be paramount but it does matter.

"What is black authenticity? Who is really black? First, blackness has no meaning outside of a system of race-conscious people and practices. After centuries of racist degradation, exploitation, and oppression in America, blackness means being minimally subject to white supremacist abuse and being part of a rich culture and community that has struggled against such abuse"

When I was reading this the other day I thought of how I felt it strange that Cord connected his blackness with discrimination that he faced and not more of a cultural experience. But, West had a compelling argument that I should cut Cord some slack. =-)

I guess when Lauren writes I feel the struggle against such abuse that West mentions. It feels comfortable like my grandmama's kitchen.

I love talking heads!!!!.. totally off topic but i had to point that out. Date who you want, its hard to hate on love. Im really not into the whole because your this you must do this, or you must date this person. Just live your life.

this coming from a open minded black girl.

@ #29 Michelle- You said all I wanted to say, and you did it eloquently and poignantly. You also seem to have lived my life. Perhaps you are my Soror, too.

@ #30: "In fact, my only beef is with the Jack and Jill graduates who insist such an organization is something that enriches black life, rather than divides. Jack and Jill is an elitist institution, whose very roots served to divide dark skinned, poorer blacks from the more affluent, lighter skinned counterparts–(paper bag tests anyone.)" - #30, violetj.

I think this is the point of J&J, though, violet. It is to provide children with the opportunity to socialize with other similarly situated kids who shared their interests and experiences. Often times these kids are the only black kids in their neighborhoods, and one of a few black children in their schools.

I cannot speak on the separatist nature of the organization as a whole, only on my chapter, and that was not the case. There were kids (and parents) of different hues and various income levels. You had some solidly middle class folks (teachers and engineers) and wealthy families (CEOs and venture capitalists)…but all had children that were seemingly alone in their schools and seeking like-minded black friends. Where were they supposed to find them considering their had all white schools and neighborhoods?

I agree that some chapters can be consumed with the wrong things, but not all. Mine was all inclusive on several levels, though I've seen some that were not. I just would encourage you to not right us all off, but judge on an individual chapter basis.

I'm with ya Cord.

The thing is people get on us for being 'defensive' and 'justifying' when they casually ignore comments aimed at non-whites who date white people.

Personally speaking, for me, race doesn't consciously play a part in who I date
If I'm going to date a woman, I don't care about race, I want similar interests.
And I happened to get into the Goth scene early in my life (I had an obsession with 'dark' and 'vampy' stuff when I was still in single digits)

One of my fave Goth artists is "Voltaire".

Now, let's say Puddle of Mudd (or any other artist with a mostly white fanbase) or Jay-Z (Or any other artist with a large black fanbase) are both playing in town the same night as Voltaire.

If you want to go to the show not headlined by Voltaire…I don't want to date you.
It has nothing to do with your race, it has to do with you not being of similar interests to me.

I don't date mostly white or mostly black, I date mostly Gothic.
The race of the person means less than the shared interests/personality.

Cord, I'm not mat at ya! I can defintely see how a man would be attracted to a women with qaulities of their mother. It does sound like you have a "grudge" against Blacks for how you were treated in regards to no tbeing "Black enough". That certainly is curious to me that Whites would be more accepting. I thought Black was the race that accepted all- after everything we have been thru. I have never been around any of the kind of Blacks that you describe and it actually makes me feel quite sad that you feel that way!

Maybe if you weren't such a sellout maybe it would end. You are exactly what you criticize. You are a sellout Uncle Clarence Tom to the Third Degree. Don't give me this bullsh*t, there were no black women around. You just thought white women looked better so don't try to lie.

Oh, and another thing, the women who look like my mother argument is tired and wasted. GET THE FILL IN THE BLANK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT EXCUSE! The black students were right.

I dont think I'm going to get an answer to this but Im going to just put it out there….So I have absolutely NUNA issues with your dating preference, to be frank I could care less. It's a shame that you were being attacked for it, I think they hatred is misplaced in thinking you arent about your community but from the posts that you've made, you seem pretty pro-black/pro-humanity to me. So my question to you Cord..if you were to meet a black girl who listened to The Cure/Clash, admired Thierry Henry, and loved emo-movies like Garden State, would you dig her? And I'm not asking in a chadding or scathing way, I am genuinely curious. I can say that during my undergrad experience in SF, I had maybe two-three consistent black friends all my four years but mostly ran with large group of fillipino/asian or whites kids. And not once at the many of the different parties and clubs I went to was I approached. Not once by anyone soberly geniuine. Oh and Im black and I dont have a preference.

For the record, the "white" looking child pictured above is actually a quadroon. I have seen the picture before. First, Cord is a plagiarist and now it's confirmed he's a liar and a thief. Cordell, my brother, you got issues.

Thank you JD! That's one question, Cord, won't answer because he knows the question hits too close to home. I grew up around white people, went to an all white high school (the number of Black students were less than Cordell's-at one point it was four), and have lived in predominately white cities where the Black population was low. Sometimes people like Cordell are too politically correct to say "I don't find Black women attractive" or "I would date a black woman but only if she looked mixed or was lightskinned" so they hide behind the phrase "I am color blind" or "I don't discriminate" but their actions speak louder than words.

Cordell wrote this essay because I called him out on it…and let me guess, he will try to badger Lauren to come to his defense because he is not man enough to come correct. I know a few of my Black friends who are into heavy metal, and played soccer found themselves in awkward situations with Blacks who shared their same interests…including Blacks who were some of the biggest self hating anti black folks out there. Cordell, might strain a muscle trying to come up with a good response to your question.

I also just want to clarify that from what I got from you post, you did not say that you prefer or exclusively date white woman but they have been the majority.

@ Well Noted whoa, whoa, whoa! calling Cord a thief and plagiarist because he used a public domain pic? that's an overreaction.

i don't know why you are so angry, if you have it (Cord's psychology and motives) all summed up. seems that much passion could be better served elsewhere.

I am into white music and have been called white girl and no my mom is not white but my family not the most orthodox black family in the world. You don't have to defend yourself , hell I dated a guy who was mixed because we were into the same stuff.

Hmmm, it seems like bullying, doesn't it? All the taunts and questions about your dating preference, that is.

The only thing I could tell you is to ignore it. Because if you try to fight back, or even acknowledge it, it'll make it worse. It's a shame that you have to deal with this type of behavior from adults on the internet. I'm sorry you have to go through with this.

**The assumption that I — or any black man who dates outside his race — avoid black women for some specific reason or prefer white women for some specific reason is not only bullshit, it’s insanely beyond the pale.**

…and such an assumption is sometimes based on actual experiences of actual black women with actual black men who will declare publicly that they don't date black women because black women are [insert favorite stereotype here]. Speak for yourself, but when you deign to speak for all black men who date interracially, don't be surprised with you get painted with the same broad brush of criticism those men rightfully deserve.

Self-edit:

"Speak for yourself, but when you deign to speak for all black men who date interracially, don’t be surprised with you get painted with the same broad brush of criticism SOME OF those men rightfully deserve."

I agree with College Chick (in spite of my comments before–which in no way were meant to criticize cord or anyone else for dating interracially).

kinda agree with Gymo. i hate that people are trying to make you defend your choices in dating. whatever happened to the expression "what you eat don't make me fat"? don't we all have enough on our own plates that to fight people about who they date? gimme a break.

Wow, many responses to this post! Honestly, white women can have you! I don't care! I think your bio/post showed that you do have a different cultural experience than many black people so I would assume that black women aren't that interested in you either… and that's ok. I did have a hard time understanding why you would work at a black-centered blog, I would like to hear more about that choice.

Cord, while I respect your dating preference, I don't understand your justification "nurture over nature". I don't think it's fair to paint black americans with such a broad brush. You say you are different culturally from MANY black americans. Black americans live all over the country and come from varying socioeconomic backgrounds; I don't think "black culture" can be so easily defined. While I am not biracial I can relate to your experience from this passage:

"My clothes have been said to be white; the music I listen to: white; I’ve been told I talk and act white; my mother is white; and I’ve been called a “white boy” many more times than I’ve been called a “nigger.” This is a fact: in my life, I have been deemed by black people as too different many more times than I’ve been spurned by whites."

Just because people said your clothes are white, you speak and act like a white person, etc… doesn't mean it's true. Black americans or black people in general do not have an inherent nature dictated by their ethnic origin. In fact, I think the things you are describing are more of a class issue, than race. I grew up upper middle class in a predominantly white neighborhood and I think culturally I relate more to people who grew up in a similar manner, regardless of race. And on another note, just for the record, most of my friends who are black, have had similar experiences with alienation among other blacks and we all deal with it in our own way.

Bottom line, the black american experience is quite diverse and what you have experienced may have made you the odd man out within your own context, but just know that you aren't the only one who lives a life that contrasts to the mainstream media perception of what "black american is".
I listen to Nirvana and prefer listening to musicals over rap. Musical taste isn't black or white. I don't think that makes me unique or in a minority; this just makes me part of the multifaceted quilt that is black america.

hey cord, the people who are asking if you only date white girls and if so, why, are most likely just white girls who would like to date you. that being said, i'm a white girl. i DON'T wear tight jeans or listening to the talking heads. but uh, since you don't mind dating white girls … haha. funny right? i'm awesome.

Bari!

This is eerie! Who are you? What JJ chapter were you in, cause that was my experience to a tee?!? JJ afforded me some wonderful opportunities for leadership, community organizing and exposure to many parts of the African Diaspora.

But this is not about JJ. It is about the fact that Cord feels that he had no choice in how he turned out, when there are clearly many of us who had the same life experiences and still date Black people.

Bottom line, you can say that you would date Black women in theory, but as long as it stays theoretical, in calls into question your beliefs in the beauty and value of Black women.

Cord, you are not special. Rather, your specialness and uniqueness is not about your middle class, predominately White upbringing. If you had fraternized with other Black students on a consistent basis, you would have found that you probably had a lot in common with Black people. You write for a Black blog, yet you seem to think that precious few Black people grew up in the White burbs of America. Cord, who do you think is reading this blog? And such a glaring ignorance of your audience, and indeed Black people, is a little suspicious.

Let's state the facts about you;

1. You don't consider yourself Black, you are Bi-racial, or rather you are not just Black, but just as White as you are Black. We can get to your definitions of White later.

2. You grew up around all White people.

3. You have never dated a Black woman.

4. Most of your best friends in college were White.

5. You write for a "Black" blog, talking all about Black people.

Now, Cord I am not attacking you. You seem like an amazing person. Thoughtful, humane, sweet, a good son and brother, smart! What's not to like? But you, for whatever reason, have chosen to place yourself in the line of fire. And good for you. If you chose to, this experience will only make you a richer, fuller version of the person that you are now. Again, Cord, you have a choice! We are all waiting to see what you choose. Why? Because you are a Black man in America and you have an enormous power to help us all push the national discourse forward.

Bottom line, you can say that you would date Black women in theory, but as long as it stays theoretical, in calls into question your beliefs in the beauty and value of Black women.

Cord, I feel what you're going through.

I'm from Kentucky and I'm going to a small liberal arts school that's overwhelmingly predominantly white (only one black male in this year's graduating class). I'm also a member (and officer) of a white GLO on campus.

I don't think that Cord is trying to say that his life was dictated to him. I'm sure that he realizes that the choices that he made have affected the outcome of his life. It is important to note, however, that, in many circumstances, an individual's choices can be limited. For example, I can attest to the fact that being called "white" over and over again can begin to affect the way that you think about things.

@Well Noted
I don't understand how growing up and living with a different experience or than others associating with the kind of people who are around you makes you a sellout. Maybe my definition is a tad too narrow…

I don't really care who you date and since you're biracial, I don't really feel like you're forced to date one group over the other… although I will say that biracial men in this area are more likely to date black women than their black counterparts.

I don't really know what you define as "white" music. My roomie grew up in the city. She's been blasting Phil Collins AND wailing along to it. I'm listening to The Postal Service. I grew up in the cities of W Africa and the suburbs of America. Until I discovered my fellow 1st and 2nd generation Americans, I assumed I was pretty white-washed.

Again, you're not obligated to seek out the black girls but I have to wonder who those black girls who also grew up in an extra white area, presumably with two black parents instead of one (thus increasing the chances that a parent would be opposed to interracial dating IF someone was even interested), went to prom with or if they went at all. By the way, most of the black women I know share your taste in music, clothes and communication. I'm with you as well except for that talking about feelings. Save that shit for your therapist. I've had more than my fair share of interracial relationships and I have to say that once you graduate from college and your dates don't involve dining hall cuisine and pirated music or movies, those things don't really matter anymore.

"As I’ve said before, I find beauty in humanity. If you truly agree that every human being is equal"

Honey wake up and smell reality. Your dating regime is a reflection of societal imposed whiteness. As much as you think that people are so equal in this world, that is never true. Racism and subjugation is quite popular.

Admit it Cord Jefferson. YOU ARE AN INSECURE BLACK MAN AND YOU NEEDED TO VENT OUT BECAUSE OF YOUR GUILTY CONCIENCE.

You feel guilty because you date white women and that's why you blasted your opinion through a blog that will never be about you, ever.

It's o.k. though, we, the Stereohyped readers, feel sorry for you.

Cord, please leave this space. Nobody wants you. You felt guilty about writing for Mollygood and not for racial context so you came here to have your little, petty, adolescent salvation drama score.

We love Williams.

However, you must vanish.

holy s*it ya'll need to CHILL. (and by ya'll i mean pretty much just the people who are getting wicked angry at cord) insecuremuch: you're seriously going to sit at a keyboard and tell someone who writes for a blog you read that he 'must vanish?' - that's f*cking laughable. no seriously, i'm laughing, at you. so chill out and take it down a notch or 10.
major btw - dude above me does NOT speak for everyone. in fact many people have come over to check out stereohyped based on what is known of cord and his informed, cynical, and all together engaging repartee.
also, i do have extra klonipins if you would like one insecuremuch - it might help you to channel your anger towards something a little more important then what someone you've never met said about his own life experience on a blog that he was invited to write for and that you read in your spare time, which i assume is abundant. still laughing. feel me? get a hobby.

p.s. - you're welcome cord. don't say i never stood up for ya.

Wait one minute….. "Rock" and "Pop" are not white music. Heck… the founding fathers of rock and roll, blues/country, are blk people. I don't think any race "owns" music, but if u want to talk about which peoples started these genres, a lot of them happen to be "black."

Hey I'm married to a white guy!! White guys love me. In fact, the only times that I have not had someone interested in me have been the times that I have not been interested in myself. That is to say, when I start to acknowledge my own beauty (or when I just don't give a damn- everbody flocks to me.
List of typs of interesting people who have liked me:
African American men
African-Asian men
African men
Latino men
White men
(subdivision of white men- Swedish
Jewish, waspy, etc.)
White Lesbian Women -amnot a lesbian but this woman was so cool, almost wished I was.
Black women are wounded, need healing, etc. but really, there is a smorgasbord of great men out there willing to appreciate your beauty and wonderfulness, sistas.
Hey, Vernon Jordan clocked my ass. Bill Clinton gave me the once over. I know, he gave my female cat the once over, but come on…
Now,t he tricky part is- you know, being with someone with a brain and half a heart. But they're out there. Just you know, get an interest other than a man! And men will love you for it! I wish I had known ths before I got married, so I could have been more of a big ho in my youth. Sike! Get an interest, get a passion, love yourself. Black women are beautiful,,, secretly everyone wants to be with one- even those guys who are always usually for the most part in proximity to Farrah Fawcett (dates me, yes, but my black skin makes me look incredibly young- my white husband lucked out so hard) You feelin' me?

Interesting looong thread.

My two cents-

If there wasn't a centuries-old campaign of hateful propaganda about black women to contend with, I might ride with the idea that brothers' choice to date exclusively "non-black" could be a conscious "color-blind" choice.

That term is wack to me anyway because it suggests that our racial and cultural differences are something to makes ourself "blind toward" rather than tolerant and accepting of." But I digress.

It's important that black cultural thinkers be willing to interrogate our own psyches to uncover internalized racism and sexism.

Not in an effort to root it out (because I don't think that possible) but more so to acknowledge and accept our double-consciousness without shame or guilt.

It's all too easily dismissed, the heavy toll that those experiences of alienation, hostility and "other-ness" have on the self-esteem of black and multi-racial kids who grew up in all-white environments.

And I do speak directly from experience.

My world-view has been affected by that alienation, years of "being cute for a black girl but not cute enough to date" tramautized my early choices of lovers.

Suddenly the archetypal "cute popular white boy" who denied your existence all through grade school now wants to take you out on date as a grown-ass woman in hipsterized New York City where white boys sport statuesque black models on their arms with bravado.

All those old feelings of rejection and coveting and self-hatred can come back in a wave without you knowing why the "attraction" is so intense.

I question, I acknowledge. I consider. I accept.

The brave and rewarding healing work has always been the work of self-analysis, which I applaud you for doing in public and with honesty.

I must not be following closely enough. I'm not a big fan but… damn. Save that shit for your therapist! Co-sign with Adeline and LMAO at klonopin recommendation. I would have died without those in college. Get off of it as soon as you can though because that shit is habit forming. CBT baby. It's better than drugs.

Ike, thank you for pointing that out. Even if one race had a monopoly on those music forms, I don't know a single black person who doesn't have some favorite rock bands just like I don't know a single white person who doesn't love some jazz, R&B, soul, hip-hop, etc. Seriously, how much does music come into play in an adult relationships?

And Melanee makes a great point. If you start doubting your own beauty, so will other people. Shit, men, women, children and beasts want her.

For the record, lest anyone should lump me in with the haters, I have NOTHING against Cord. I am simply having an intellectual conversation with another human. One that I find fascinating. I respect any and all people who find the where with all to put their feelings and thoughts into language.

Insecure much does not speak for me.

And Cord, if I had ever been approached by an Asian man, even once in my life (expect for the time I was solicited in Korea Town) I would certainly have considered the man. But since I have not been, one could say that I have never thought about the possibility of dating an Asian man, or Japanese man as you stated, because I don't really see them as relationship possibilities. So you are right. I accept my biases, not because they are right or because I am proud, but because you cannot change what you refuse to accept.

Thanks Cord, for a great post!

Who is this cat and why should I give a flying fuck who he dates? Yeah, yeah, yeah we got it. You love pink toes, so what. So does every other black guy I know. Kick rocks I can fool with any man why is anyone (including white women) still listening to this regressive, euro-loving argument. Although there are few black people in AZ there are other minorities (Asian, Hispanic) why not date them? I'll answer this question, because you want to date white women. Man up, grab your balls and chase your white girls, the rest of the planet has moved on.

i don't think that cord's example of not dating a japanese, east indian, or other strengthens his argument unless the person it's directed at is also part japanese or part east indian. i think the reason for the angst is that cord is part black and does not have a record of dating black women.

same for the anderson cooper thing. (didn't know he was gay by the way. not like i had a chance, but darn.) his reporting on katrina - a tragic event affecting poor people who happened to be mostly black - is different than anderson cooper co-authoring a black-interest blog.

that's all. nothing else to add. just pretending to be a moderator of this debate because i have nothing else to do.

Michelle

Don't even sweat Cord's attempt to avoid your question. He's a sellout Uncle Clarence Tom with a Stephen Fetchit dance. Cord, doesn't even know his African American history, because if he did he would know that Sammy Davis, Jr.'s white wife stated in her book that Sammy wanted to be white so bad (despite having had a previous relationship with a black woman). Sammy had an inferiority complex with being Black. Nice try Cord.

Cord,

It's called "talking black but sleeping white". In your case it's called self hatred and "I think white women look better than black women." Like I said before, "The black students at your college were right." Now Cord if you are prejudiced against Black women why do you have such a problem with Black women and Black men calling you out? Also, can you use better analogies? You call yourself a journalist? Your arguments and essays are weak.

First, Cord plagiarizes a line from a book.
Second, he uses a picture of a black slave and a "quadroon" slave to illustrate interracial dating between blacks and whites.
Now third, he cites Sammy Davis, Jr.'s civil rights history as an argument about discounting a brother's committment to black people despite having married a white woman.

Cord, for the record, Sammy Davis, Jr. had a previous relationship with a black woman, you can't state the same. Also, what have you done in regards to activism in the African American community? NOTHING. Brother, please don't be offended that I call you that, cannot say the same.

@ Well Noted - Sounds like someone's a little cranky! Perhaps you've missed your afternoon nap? I think those kids in the picture are cute. I'd wear that little girls dress if it came in my size!

This is seriously the craziest comment thread ever! I will NEVER be bored at work again. Thanks Stereohyped!

I had to go back and reread the blog after all these comments… Whew! chgo921 (scroll allll the way back) got it best. I have found also that biracial children tend to be attracted to persons like a particular parent. Men dating women like their Mothers (except Tiger who has never dated anyone like either parent) and Women dating men like their Fathers. One variable might be the influence and exposure of Grandparents. In other words, if Cord had a White Mother, but was raised by his Black grandmother with a strong message about the expectation to be with a Black woman as well as the expectation to have more connections with Black in college, Frats, etc. Despite what kind of music he listened to (I went to high school with David Byrne's sister and probably knew him too, but wasn't paying attention, but liked his music too), then he would more likely date Black women. There is a guide to Black Arizona in the airport, so I am not buying that Arizona has not had some sort of Black community, its just Cord was not connected. But Cord, to me is engaging in typical behavior. You can't walk in both worlds and expect those women who feel rejected by you to just "understand". It's not about understanding its about what Lauren wrote about in her post. It's about how it hurts to have the beauty standard slammed in your face yet again. Prepare for giddy sista's over Beyonce and Jay combine them with Barack and Michelle and we have some hope.

All I can say is WHATEVER!!!. We live in a close minded county that constantly reminds me that blacks are not cultured. I am a dark-skin black woman who is well traveled, educated and don't have a negative attitude. I am tall and slender and considered to be beautiful by so called society standards. If I asked Cord on a date(he strikes me as the type who wouldn't bother asking a sista on a date) I am sure he would run the other way. Cord, two questions, Why do most white men who find themselves in your position, being the minority in their environment always find the one other white girl to be with? What is your excuse now? You are not longer limited to your small town–you have the world to search over. If you prefer white women, that's cool–but your excuse is lame.