The seemingly abstract image at right, dear readers, is actually a photo of an eager Akon fan getting a handful of the singer's sweaty crotch on Jimmy Kimmel Live!. She wanna fuck him.

Video after the jump.

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• Boy, that Aretha Franklin sure does hold a grudge. [TMZ]

• Akon is, shall we say, not receptive to criticism of his new song, "I'm So Paid," which many think is insensitive. [NB]

• In a poll about movie presidents, Harrison Ford in Air Force One beat Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact. [PH]

• Samuel L. Jackson talks about the dearly departed Bernie Mac, with whom co-starred in Soul Men. [E!]

• Akon's new song is called "I'm So Paid." Should certain members of the hip hop/R&B community adjust their I'm-so-much-richer-than-you message in the wake of our financial crisis? [SOHH]

• Salacious, unsubstantiated, probably-untrue gossip to get us through the day: Does Wendy Williams have a sex tape of Kelis with a guy who's not Nas? [C&D]

• T.I. gets the Weird Al treatment. [AHH]

• R. Kelly's string of good luck in the court room continues. He was just awarded $3.4 million dollars in damages from a concert promoter. [E!]

It would take the most naive of hip hop listeners to believe every word that comes out of a rapper's mouth. Exaggeration is one of the elements of their craft. But it's always amusing to see an rapper's past directly contradict some part of a his lyrical persona. Take Dr. Dre, for instance. You might not have known that before he adopted an austere wardrobe and a permanent scowl for N.W.A., he was a member of the glittery World Class Wreckin' Cru. After the jump, check out a few rappers who know what happens when an icky thing called "reality" encroaches upon their music personas.

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Understandably, Akon has been laying low since he got played by those diligent investigators at The Smoking Gun who found out with a little bit of digging that he had completely made up his past as a high-powered leader of a car theft ring, fabricating a lengthy prison stay and telling any journalist who would listen about his fake experiences. He spoke about the controversy for the first time to MTV today.

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It's absolutely no surprise to any of us that Akon is full of shit, right? It's just sort of crazy that the people at The Smoking Gun, which is really on a roll these days, are the first ones to officially call him on it. With a little digging, they've figured out that Akon's famed backstory — that he was in jail for 4 1/2 years for being "ringleader of a notorious car theft operation" and wrote songs, like his famous "Locked Up" while he was in jail — was false. And the name of his company, Konvict Music, was more wishful thinking than it was based in reality. In his lifetime, he has spent only a few months in county jail.

While the performer's rap sheet does include a half-dozen arrests, Akon has only been convicted of one felony, for gun possession. That 1998 New Jersey case ended with a guilty plea, for which the singer was sentenced to three years probation. Another 1998 bust, this one in suburban Atlanta, has been seized upon by Akon and transformed into the big case that purportedly sent him to prison (thanks to his snitching cohorts) for three fight-filled years. In reality, Akon was arrested for possession of a single stolen BMW and held in the DeKalb County jail for several months before prosecutors dropped all charges against him.

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• Whoopi Goldberg's bringing a musical about Ada "Bricktop" Smith, who I really should have written a "Daily Dose of BHM" about, to Broadway. [EUR]

• Akon's releasing a country album that no one will buy. [C&D]

• 50 Cent is now torn between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. What on earth will we do? [MTV]

• Black suicides on the rise? That sucks. [NPR]

• Brooklyn rapper Papoose plans to marry his lover Remy Ma while she's in prison. In other words, he's riding on the coattails of her publicity. [MTV]

2007 was the year of the celebrity screw up. And we're talking celebrities of all colors, ages, and levels of fame. For Stereohyped's purposes, I'm going to stick with the ones of a certain hue — and there are more than enough to list without getting into the Paris Hiltons and Keifer Sutherlands and Lindsay Lohans of the world. From DUIs to drugs to assaults to illegal weapons, there are far too many* young (and not so young) famous (and not very famous) people whose mugshots belong on the 2007 Hall of Shame.
*I'm sure I'm missing a few!

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Akon made sure to ring up his tailor and barber before he turned himself into police in New York. If he put as much thought into his onstage actions as he puts into his appearance, he might have been able to save this outfit for a red carpet instead of a local jail.

• Montel Williams threatened to blow me up and all I got was this lousy ticket. [Jossip]

• Miss Manners talks racism. And it's not bad advice — in short, it's not rude to make a racist feel awkward at the dinner table. [RR]

• There's actually a producer out there looking for a home for his reality game show called "Who Wants To Marry An American Citizen?" Considering the writers guild strike, you'll probably see it on Fox next week. [Racialicious]

• Akon says he didn't throw that kid of the stage. If only someone hadn't posted it on YouTube, his claim would be semi-believable. [People]

• Leland Melvin, the only astronaut who is also a former professional athlete, makes his way into space this week. [USAT]

If I were the 15-year-old who got thrown off of the stage by Akon in June, I would be pissed that the police in Fishkill, NY, are just charging him, and only because the kid apparently hit a woman on his way down and gave her a concussion. The body-slamming of a minor was, it seems, not bad enough on its own. Akon's due in a New York court Monday to be arraigned on misdemeanor charges of endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment. It's all fun and games until someone gets a concussion.

And, really, he had something coming to him after that stunt he pulled with the 14-year-old girl in Trinidad. And the lame "I'm Sorry" song wasn't going to cut it. [People]

Rihanna, who won the big prize — Favorite Female Artist — at the American Music Awards yesterday, doesn't win the prize for favorite outfit. I actually think she might win the opposite prize.

The big winner in the male category was T.I., and although he obviously couldn't make it, check out pics of some of the other attendees after the jump.

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Anytime you have to open your new video with a too-long taste of your old hit single — "I Get Money," in this case — you're kind of telling people that you don't have that much faith in the new stuff — "I Still Will," featuring Akon, in this case. And you didn't really need to tell us, 50. All we have to do is watch the first couple of minutes.

Does Ciara look so happy at the World Music Awards in Monte Carlo because, as the 3am Girls allege, 50 Cent sent a chartered plane to Monaco filled with rose petals, teddy bears, and chocolates? Lord I hope not. I say she's just a naturally happy girl. More pics from the show after the jump.

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