• Now Republican women are supposedly boycotting Oprah Winfrey because she doesn't want Palin on her show, as if it is Palin's god-given right to be offered a spot on Oprah's couch. [WAOD]

• Bill O'Reilly gets on Barack Obama over tax increases for the wealthy. [YT]

• 50 Cent won a court ruling — it seems like he always does — and can now see his son more often. [CL]

• Reebok is not trying to waste money on all those C. Johnson jerseys they produced just so the football player formerly known as Chad Johnson can have a jersey that says OchoCinco. [BV]

• Michael Jackson's unwashed underwear is going on sale on eBay for $1 million. Sadly, I believe someone out there is willing to pay that much. [Bossip]

Michael Jackson, a pop icon who has reached the celebrity world's highest heights and the lowest depths, turns 50 today. Living up to his Peter Pan reputation, here's what he told Good Morning America he plans to do to celebrate: "Just have a little cake with my children, and we'll probably watch some cartoons." Fun! After the jump, witness Michael Jackson go from cherubic little boy to, uh, the Michael Jackson we know today. It's not a pretty journey.

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• Naomi Campbell's Russian billionaire boyfriend bought her an 18.5 million penthouse apartment in Sao Paolo. That's all. [PS]

• If there's a famous person I would be least shocked to find out is a domestic abuser, it's Suge Knight. And suprise! He just got arrested for beating up his girlfriend while brandishing a knife. [AP]

• Kanye West wishes his mother could have lived to see Barack Obama become the official presidential nominee. None of my grandparents are living, but I always think about what they would say about Obama if they were. [US]

• John McCain's got a friend in Daddy Yankee. We should all be so lucky. [Racialicious]

• The sad thing is, Michael Jackson's dedication to wearing pajama pants in public is not even the weifdest thing about him. [Bossip]

Here's a mockup of what Michael Jackson might have looked like had his brain and self-esteem not been ruined at such a young age, leading him to pay doctors to cut his face with sharp knives over and over again. The guy on the right still looks kinda scary, but he's a whole lot less frightening than the specter haunting the left side.

[Source via Source]

I was feeling down for no particular reason when I woke up this morning. This totally cheered me up. Here's Diana Ross performing "Upside Down" with a guest appearance from Michael Jackson. Sigh.

Michael Jackson might think he's fooling paparazzi and passers-by with his odd public costumes, but really he's just disguising himself in eccentric, dramatic ways that make it clear he couldn't be anyone but Michael Jackson. We saw it in yesterday's photo and we see it in these. Although, on second thought, MJ might not be trying to disguise himself from the public as much as he's just trying to cover up his falling-apart face. Out of necessity. Perhaps we should look at it as a public service.

Somehow, no matter what sort of insane costume Michael Jackson is sporting — in this case it's sunglasses, a rasta wig, a surgical mask, pajamas, a trucker hat, and a wheelchair — he still manages to look exactly like Michael Jackson. His brand of bizarre insanity is rather difficult to disguise. [Mail]

Michael Jackson, 49, … is working on a new clothing line with Ed Hardy designer Christian Audigier. ‘It’s still in the developing stages, but it’s going to be big,’ an insider tells Life & Style. ‘This will be a major comeback for Michael.’”

The above is a lie, and it’s one we’ve heard before. By our calculations, ever since the release of his last reasonably solid record, 1991’s Dangerous, which moved over 14 million copies, Michael Jackson has been on the verge of a comeback 237,000 times; each one ushered in with all the theatrics of “Thriller” before sputtering out as quietly and wimpily as “The Girl Is Mine.”

It’s about time everyone quit kidding themselves. As lifelong MJ fans, it pains us to say it, but his chances of staging an authentic comeback are as good as his chances of beating Michael Jordan in that one-on-one game. “Why?” you ask. Let us count the ways…

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• Hot off his album's huge debut week, Lil Wayne's forming a super group with T-Pain. Super? [NB]

• Is this what they mean by tears of a clown? [AHH]

• R. Kelly's lawyer felt compelled to tell Hannah Montana he's sorry for bring up her name during a sordid child porn trial. What, the makers of Little Man don't get an apology. [C&D]

• Noose shmoose. Racists have no creativity these days. [CST]

• Can the magic touch of Swizz Beatz resurrect Michael Jackson's career? In a word, no. [SP]

Now that he's free to roam the streets, pen catchy-when-you-don't-pay-attention-to-the-lyrics, misogynistic, and sexually-explicit songs, R. Kelly has joined an elite group of super-stars who narrowly avoided lengthy jail terms for major crimes. Yes, as an acquitted celebrity, he'll join an exclusive club of Famous People Who Got Away With It (Whether They Were Guilty Or Not). Check out some of the club members after the jump. At least two of them, like R. Kelly, have been ruled guilty in the court of public opinion, but who cares if what the public thinks if the jury says you're innocent!

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Let's face it — unless, due to some warped, wishful thinking, you are convinced that the real R. Kelly is "I Believe I Can Fly" and not "You Remind Me of My Jeep," or you are just such a die-hard fan that you are completely delusional, most people believe that R. Kelly did indeed film himself having sex with and pissing on his 14-year-old goddaughter, whether they're in the cut-off-his-balls or the she-was-old-enough-to-know-what-she-wanted camp. You believe this because you saw the tape — which very clearly shows R. Kelly and a sickeningly young girl in an ugly wood-paneled room one might also have seen if one had tuned into his MTV Cribs episode — or because you know that R. Kelly married a 15-year-old Aaliyah, or because you've heard about the multiple settlements he's paid to underage girls who have accused him of sexual misconduct.

The jury saw the same tape many of us did (I was in college; it still makes me queasy to think about it). And, from what they're saying in post-trial interviews, they saw what everyone else saw. So why the hell did R. Kelly get away with it? There was one little thing. Well, one big thing.

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Christian Audigier, the designer to be blamed for Von Dutch trucker hats and the Ed Hardy brand, had a birthday party last week that was attended, inexplicably, by a very wide and random range of celebrities. Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Snoop, etc. showed up weekend bash at the Petersen Automotive Museum in L.A.

• For some reason, Kelly Rowland just can't understand why Oscar-winner Jennifer Hudson landed the role in the Sex and the City movie that she tried out for. Incidentally, the role was created because, according to Sarah Jessica Parker, "African-American women and women of color have been a big part of our audience for a long time (and) we really haven't been responsible to them." True words. [SB]

• Star Jones has now resorted to hosting Bad Girls Club reunion specials. At least she's good at it. [Jezebel]

• Whitney Houston was cleared of all drug charges stemming from that one time she tried to bring three joints on a plane in Hawaii. [SP]

• New music from Michael Jackson! Sadly, there's no way to make old music from Michael Jackson new again. [Bossip]

• Ashanti made some ill-advised makeup choices at the premiere of the new Indiana Jones. [C&D]

• I really hope Eminem isn't the featured performer at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party. [NR]

• 50 Cent's chain-snatcher was, in turn, snatched by police. [Bossip]

• Is there any possible way Michael Jackson's next album can be good? [SB]

• Dennis Rodman goes to rehab. Shocker. [RWS]

• Rihanna smirks seductively on the cover of Elle. [CL]