no "village". (those who get do, those who don't - don't)

edit–*(those who get it, do - those who don't, don't)

Cosign, DI.

I also would say the single most troubling thing I see facing young people is their not having lots of adults to look up to, respect, emulate or admire; that is, having to grow up in a country full of grown people but everyone's 14 just like you are. At one time, a grown person was someone 25 or 30. These adults taught school, were civic minded and were raising their own families. They acted like they had some sort of responsibility. Now, 60 year old people look act and talk like 17 year olds. There's no gravitas or wisdom that comes with age. We are a country of perpetual teenagers who are pulling teenage stunts.

@ J - get outta my head! I, stay SMH had this perpetual arrested development.

*sigh, what is up with my typing today? :pouts:

This is funny because i always ask my mom why won't she dye her now grey hair, and she always says, "children need to know what an old grey haired successful, happy, healthy black woman looks like." She is my heroine. I am always grateful that her and my dad don't mind being the grandparents. They do grandparent things with my children, and my children absolutely adore them. I'm 40 and my children call me a big square, which I think is a complement. I shouldn't be doing hip teenage things, I should be doing hip 40 year old things(which of course is boring to them). It's OK if your children DON'T think your cool.

Well, I'd have to say that kids don't have enough of an outlet. Too many bad role models in their lives telling them that they can't instead they can. They're exposed to way too much(at least more than I had growing up)too fast, and peer pressure to fit in is a b@tch.

It's much harder to be young now, and I believe too few people acknowledge that.

LACK.OF.PARENTING.

for instance, my niece (16) has a pic on myspace of her kissing some boy on a couch. Her mother, my sister, has a myspace page in which she herself is crawling around in a bikini talking about how sexy she is…sooooooo… whats her daughter to do? and who is to tell her otherwise if her mother is as i mentioned, on all fours????

Young teenage mothers raising children. No offense.

inadequate parenting. teen moms, single moms and negligent parents. no offense to single moms. my mom was one and it frequently isn't their fault for finding themselves raising a child when the other person who created it is absent, but no amount of superwoman parenting will ever be as good as two good parents there. you can't be the best parent if you're not doing well and you can't be doing so well if you're trying to do a full-time 2-person job alone while also breaking your back keeping a roof over your head and food on the table. as for the teen moms, they simply don't have the tools necessary, financially and emotionally.

As the mom of a 12 year old who has been homeschooled for the last 4 years, and is now finding himself back in a classroom environment, I will have to say peer pressure from kid who don't have god role models.

Some of these kids are so desperate for attention and someone to look up to, but there are so few people out there to look up to.

These kids think I am the "cool mom" but the cool thing is that they all hang out at my house where I can show them what good decision making looks like and at least be one positive influence in their life….

I don't know if it's always been this way, but a major epiphany I had about my peers recently is that getting married and having kids does not automatically make you a "grown-up". I think I'm holding things down better than most twenty-somethings, but so many others seem completely at sea, their lives are a mess, and then pop out some kids smack in the middle of it all and expect the kids to just roll with it. Note to self- grow the hell up, THEN have children.

I would agree with lack of parenting as the biggest issue facing our children. That and a lack of resources and access.

Although my man always reminds me, it's not about me - I take offense to all single parents being singled out as deficient by default.

It’s just ridiculous and silly to compare the “perfect” two-parent home with the most dysfunctional single-parent home. I know personally that I have more time, resources support, patience and access than the majority of two-parent homes. I also know quite a few other single mothers who fit into this category as well.

Furthermore, I think that one of the biggest issues plaguing our community in general is the elitism in our own community. It kills me that even today many of us are so willing to perpetuate the house vs. field nigger mentality. Yea, take care of your own first – but don’t be so quick to judge what you don’t know about either.

I believe that kids are being rushed to grow up. They think its cool to act like an adult. I remember as a teenager still playing tag, jumping rope, playing football etc. Nowadays I dont see kids outside anymore, now they are crowding the malls and going to clubs (and yes in DC they have clubs for teenagers). Another thing is some parents try to be their kids friends instead of a parent. It has nothing to do with being a young mother because I became a mother when I was 18 and I have been busting my tail to send him to the best schools and keep him busy with other activities. I even create homework for him if he wasnt given any by his teacher and if there were more parents like myself this wouldnt be an issues and I am only 24.

Qui,

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but you say that you have more time and access to resources than many couples w/ kids? Do you mean both more time and more money? If so, what kind of job is it that offers schedule flexibility and high pay? How were you able to find a job that offers the best of both worlds? Do you have more than one kid? Anecdotally, I have noticed that singles (parent, aunt, grandparent, etc.) rearing one kid have an easier time than those rearing more than one kid.

Lunanoire -

I'm a product manager in .com. I've made a name for myself in my field and that coupled with my experience and education allows me the ability to negotiate a high salary and flexible hours.

Now don't get it twisted, I'm not out of control ballin - but I own my home and my daughter and I live a very comfortable and secure lifestyle in the Los Angeles burbs.

I truly have a flexible schedule - I can work a home, at night, exchange hours - whatever I need to do. I don't abuse the system, but I make it very clear -and am supported by my job per the concept that I am a mother first.

If you are interested in more about what I do - I'm happy to tell you. I love my work. I'd love to see more folks of color in my field -

I also have a great support system - my family is highly supportive and involved…her dad is also involved as well.

Yes, I only have one daughter - If I had more, it would be harder.

I come back strong when people try to get down on single parents by virtue of us being single parents. You just can't lump us all together.